Before we discuss how to get out of the victim mentality, it is very important to understand what the Victim mentality really is.
Victim mentality is a personality trait where an individual feels like a victim to his life circumstances and feels he is at the mercy of his life conditions.
Such an individual feels disempowered and this loss of control over his life buries him deeper into anxiety and feelings of unworthiness.
Thus, the Victim mentality negatively impacts all the important areas of one’s life; be it his career, relationships or his general attitude towards life.
But the good news is that Victim mentality is just a mental construct and just like changing any other belief, this can be changed too.
Here we are going to discuss 5 ways on how to get rid of the victim mentality and become an empowered individual.
Become aware of your thoughts and feelings
To overcome the victim mentality, you must become aware of the dominant thoughts and feelings that go around in your head all day.
Repeated thought patterns crystalize into beliefs over time hence it is crucial that you become aware of the kind of thoughts you think all day.
Ask yourself a few questions like…
The thoughts you think are generally negative or positive?
Do they make you feel valued or unworthy?
Do your thoughts add to your happiness or add negativity into your life?
Asking these questions will help you understand yourself better. If your thoughts are negative and disempowering then of course you will develop a victim mindset over time.
If the majority of your thoughts are negative in nature, it’s time to change them.
Mindfulness practices and meditation are great tools that will help you not only become aware of your thoughts but to also change them for the better.
Learn to “respond” not “react”
A person with a victim mentality always reacts to situations and circumstances.
These strong emotional reactions over time leave you drained of energy and clarity of mind.
Also when you are in the habit of reacting to every situation, it means that you are super-imposing your beliefs and traumas on the situation.
It means that you are not being objective but rather layering the situation with your emotions.
Thus, reacting to every situation will make you think like things are totally out of your control and you are a victim.
So, a logical solution to this is to start “responding” rather than “reacting”.
Whenever something happens to you, especially if it’s negative, take your time to respond. Know that your instant reaction won’t change anything but will make matters worse.
Sit back, relax and think about the situation from a calm mind.
If you observe the matter from a calm and collected mind, you will soon understand that things are not as bad as they appeared at first.
Your life’s not out of your control either.
It’s your mind that is playing tricks on you in its attempt to make you feel like a victim of circumstances.
Let go of the past
We use our past experiences to reinforce our beliefs.
If your past was not ideal, you may be unconsciously revising it in your mind day and night and hence feeling like a victim.
Also there is a highly likely chance that if you keep on revisiting the difficult emotions of your past, then you will create the same circumstances in your present and future too.
“When you think from your past memories, you can only create past experiences.”-Dr. Joe Dispenza
Thus, it is very important that you break free from the shackles of your past.
The past is gone.
The only place it is alive is your mind.
So, let it go from your mind too.
Try staying in the present moment as much as possible.
Forgive yourself and others for the past and move on.
Cultivate feelings of self-love
Victim mentality stems from your feelings of unworthiness too and self-love is a cure for all feelings of unworthiness and lower self-esteem.
Thus, you must start working on loving yourself.
Here are few self-love techniques that you may use to create a better relationship with yourself:
- Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and hence the feelings of guilt, shame or self-hatred.
- Find and focus on things that you can appreciate about yourself. Appreciating yourself might seem difficult at first so start slowly.
- Indulge in positive self-talk. Talk to yourself like you would to your best friend. Encourage yourself like you would encourage them.
- Give yourself time. Go for a relaxing bath or a long walk in nature alone.
If you want to learn about more self-love techniques, then I have written a detailed article here.
Create and hold a beautiful vision for the future in your mind
Oftentimes the people with a victim mentality lack a vision for the future.
In fact they dwell so deeply in their past that there seems no hope for the future.
This is what you must change if you feel like a victim too.
Here is what you can do.
- Create a vision for a beautiful future you would like to experience.
- Add in all the things you would want in your future like a successful career or a happy marriage.
- Everyday close your eyes for a few minutes and visualize a few scenes from your future. Scenes that would make you excited for your future life.
- Hold onto this vision tightly whenever thoughts of unworthiness come to your mind.
Having a vision for your life is very very important to excel at life. Without a strong vision, you would not find life very exciting.
It’s the hope for a brighter future that keeps a man going through life.
“If you create a vision for your life, doors will open.”-Anonymous